This poem arose from my fifth year in the institution in which there had been an altercation between me and another patient. The rules of the institution stated that we were never allowed to act aggressively. We couldn’t even defend ourselves, but had to go find a worker to stop the fight.
Well, I don’t recall the details, but I came out swinging. As a result, I lost all my privileges earned and had to see the doctor. This is when the doctor told me: “You have to be perfect if you ever want to get out of here.”
This was the last altercation I can recall being in where I lost all privileges and had to “start over.” By privileges, I mean I wasn’t allowed to go freely outside on the grounds, but had to stay on the ward. I also lost the ability to go to town with my family for a while.
I had to demonstrate that I was “stable” and had no violent tendencies. This is what I wrote within the next day of my judgment and verdict from the state hospital’s ruling. It was very frustrating; however, I did learn how to tip-toe around confrontations and never had another one after this.
The Beast arises within my soul
Red eyes seek to lose control
Knowledge escaped and entered my mind
The knowledge of a truth that’s unkind
Old Faithful has nothing to fight
Yet this Beast wants to make the wrong—right
Fury moves through my veins
Words rush in anger like an oncoming train
I hear the cry of war in my brain
But realize society opposes my gang
I see now standing up for one’s self
Gets lost in a country ruled by bookshelves
Regardless of the “right to your anger”
You can NOT allow your Beast to threaten and endanger
So even if they destroy your property
Or steal the food saved for your family
No matter what their mouth says to you
You must never unleash the Beast that’s true